Last week, my CEO gifted me a copy of Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It by Chris Voss and Tahl Raz during a company offsite in Malaysia. To pass the time during the 4-hour bus ride to our resort, I decided to leaf through the roughly 300-page volume. Three hours later, I was bookmarking page number 168 as we took a toilet break at a gas station. Here’s why this book sucked me in:
Who is Chris Voss?
Chris is a former FBI hostage negotiator who has succeeded more than he has failed in a long and fruitful career saving people, victims and perpetrators alike, with just his words. He now runs The Black Swan Group with a team of expert negotiators who empower clients with the skills they need to get the best out of every negotiation.
Do you need to be taught how to negotiate?
If you think that the world runs on compromise. You do.
If “meeting halfway” is your motto. You do.
If you … forget it! YOU JUST DO!
Every human relationship, professional or otherwise, involves varying degrees of negotiation. If you negotiate well, you have fulfilling and respectful relationships. Negotiate poorly and you become an underconfident or overbearing marital partner or a pushover for your more vocal co-workers.
I don’t like making blank statements. But negotiation skills will help you in EVERY area of your life that involves collaborating or competing with other people.
6 simple tactics
What I loved about the book was that, unlike most business and leadership authors, Chris doesn’t beat around the bush with long allegories. Nor does he fill his book with repetitive or redundant points. Here’s what he succintly conveys in his book:
Tactic 1: Tactical Empathy
This one is pretty obvious but seldom deployed effectively. The more you understand about the counterparty — their needs, values, beliefs, religion — and the more you make them feel heard and understood, the more you disarm their defenses. It could be something as simple as small talk before getting down to business or using a specific example from their culture to illustrate your point. Just let the other person know that you understand where they’re coming from. And that you keep their best interests in mind while negotiating.
Tactic 2: Labelling
Naming an emotion takes away its hold on your mind. This works to dispel unspoken emotions, tensions, and doubts from your counterparty’s mind. Labelling can be defensive or offensive.
Defensive labelling is the classic use case. If your counterparty looks hesitant or unsure despite saying yes to a proposition, you should probably get it out of the way right away to avoid unpleasant surprises later.
Label: “Hey, you seem to have hesitations about my proposition. Could we talk about it?”
Response: “I just doubt that…”
Offensive labelling is a tactic you can use to give the wrong label to an emotion so the other party is drawn to refute your claim. This could be used to extend a negotiation that seems to be slipping away. Or it could be used to create urgency in your counterparty to keep them off balance.
Label: “It seems you’re no longer interested in continuing this association.”
Response: “No no! It’s nothing like that. I’d like to explore a way to make this work for both of us.”
Tactic 3: Asking “How?” and “What?” instead of “Why?”
Chris exhorts readers to reserve, if not remove the word “why” from their negotiation vocabulary. “Why” makes the counterparty perceive your question as a direct threat to their reasoning, approach, and perspective.
Here’s a question you might have asked or been asked during a vendor negotiation — “Why should I pay for that?” or “Why did you do that?!”
A question like that can instantly make the other party cringe, close up, and become defensive, rather than come around to your side of the table to see things your way. Here’s a better way to ask that question:
“What made you take that step?”
“How can we pay that much?”
These questions get the other party thinking about how to make you understand their POV without trying to justify it.
Tactic 4: Asking questions that get “no” as an answer
Chris outlines the three kinds of “yes” you might receive during a call, and only one of them is useful to you.
A counterfeit yes is just a way for someone to get out of the conversation without being confrontational. It’s not a true commitment, but a sign that the conversation is slipping away.
“Can I set up a follow-up call with you same time next week regarding this service?”
“Ummm. Sure.”
They’ll probably slip out of the appointment with an excuse.
The second type is the confirmatory yes. This is just an acknowledgment of a statement and not a sign of commitment. Salesmen very often force confirmatory yeses out of their customers during their pitch and become convinced that they’re going somewhere with the sale.
“Would you like to digitize your lead generation?”
“Yes.”
I mean, who doesn’t want to digitize? Who doesn’t want to vote? Who doesn’t want to drink more water? These are close-ended questions with only one obvious answer. An affirmative here doesn’t help you with your product or service.
The last type is the clear yes of commitment. This is usually fielded at the very end of a conversation when the prospect has exhausted every possible objection they might have to your pitch and is fully convinced.
So how do we get to the last yes? By getting to “no” with every single question. By allowing your prospect to voice their doubts and discomforts upfront without having to worry about coming off as rude or negative. This way, you get them to say “no, but…”
Here are a few examples:
Yes-oriented: “Is now a good time to talk?”
Response: “Sure.”
No-oriented: “Is now a bad time?”
Response: “No, but 3 PM is better.”
Yes-oriented: “Is this a good idea?”
Response: “Yes.”
No-oriented: “Is this a bad idea?”
Response: “No, but we could do better.”
Yes-oriented: “Does this make sense?”
Response: “Yes.”
No-oriented: “Is this ridiculous?”
Response: “No, but it has a few issues.”
A no-oriented question is guaranteed to get your prospect to start working out their hesitations and objections with you rather than just reflexively saying yes to get out of the conversation.
Tactic 5: Upward and downward inflections
We instinctively use upward and downward inflections in our voices. But they can be very useful tools to focus and shape a negotiation. Have you ever found yourself repeatedly revisiting a point or having every option you’ve given shot down? Here’s how to overcome these barriers.
Using an upward inflection denotes doubt and invites a response. It takes the burden of offering options off your shoulders by getting the prospect to fill in the blanks themselves.
Upward-inflected question: “So let’s meet this Sunday at…?”
Sentence-completing response: “4 PM?”
Using a downward inflection denotes an air of authority and finality while being polite. Use it for denials and to set boundaries.
Statement: “I can give you the package at $10,000.”
Downward-inflected response: “I’m afraid that doesn’t work for us.”
Tactic 6: Accusation Audits
Take power out of your prospect’s hands by naming all the potential negative perceptions, accusations, and names that the prospect might have for you and your proposal. Frame these negatives in a way that makes you sound like an honest and straight-shooting player.
Accusation audit: “You’ll think I’m a massive asshole for this.”
Response: “No, no. I don’t think that. Let’s work on this more.”
Accusation audit: “It feels like we’re wasting your time.”
Response: “No, no. This is a good convo to have.”
These tactics work, and I’ve used them myself in many of my negotiations with marketing service providers. The reason I like them so much is that the more your opponents know them, the better the quality of your negotiations! The more they try to actively address your objections, accusations, and hesitation, the better value they deliver to you.
Try these out today in a negotiation with your parents, your children, and your business partner. Let me know how it goes in the comments.
I am a product marketer and an alum of the Indian School of Business. I provide admissions consulting services and guidance to MBA aspirants. I write on LinkedIn and Medium about life, education, career development and anything else that interests 20+ year-olds taking their first steps to living independently.
